Ayo Aki

 and I'm slowly learning to fully comprehend what love is. Love is not that giddy rush feeling because loves like that fly faster than they come. It's here and here and suddenly not here again. Those kind of loves are like strong wine that you drink to drown the sadness away at 3 AM on a Friday night and you wake up the next morning with an headache totally forgetting about what you did and how free you were and the awesome conversation you had with a stranger. Totally disappering like it never came but it did. Through you, I understand love is slow and calm,  It calls out to you. Like the falling into the ocean and your lungs slowly filling up with water then suddenly exploding. I learnt it through God and now you. Maybe this theory of love is wrong but that's sad because this love is fine, and calm and mesmeric. This love is God itself.

19 years ago, a woman with the clouds as her footmat and the moons of the seven earth dancing on her temple bore a child,her female child and named her                                                                It rained that way for the clouds were mourning a precious loss,lilies grew on the roadside and sunflowers smiled towards her.She was the child of the sun and daughter of the most high. She was born the day you shouldn't talk about death cause death and life were life long enemies but she brought death the day she was birthed to life.She brought death to pain of all mankind. She was life but she was dead inside. Her eyes were constantly brimming of pearls and tears,her mouth sang songs of wail and love.She was paradox and irony all at once,all in one. She spent most of her time in the garden with a rose tucked behind her ears,talking to sunflowers and ponies and all the little garden animals gather around her for she sneak little crumbs of bread for them to feed on. You

 I didn't know what to do with my heart so I ate it. I layed it on the floor,   a welcome sign for your doormat. I juiced, squeezed and sprinkled it on your spices,  to poison you with my charm. I smoothed the edges, sharpened the dark areas,  but still it wouldn't shine. I sang it in a song. I sang my heart out.  but the lyrics were a little tragedy,  you said you've had enough of tragedies. I took her to mother earth,   and asked her for a spare. but she grew flowers instead. Sunflowers and ponies. The thorns pickled my flesh,   and the stems suffocated my lungs. I didn't know what to do with my heart, so I ate it.

 I told you all my secrets but you turned them into gods. So you could worship them like a dog At the shrines of your lies. You sat on your throne of bones. And watch me turn empty and cold Because I was naked And naked as gold. You left me to rot in a pool of flith (and said that made sense because that's who I am) And you soaked in the fragrance, tainted by the ruins of betrayal. You turned yourself into a king and wore a crown of thorns. You drank from the cup of broken souls. Self acclaimed king of hell. But your pedestal was made of lies and stolen golds. So give it back to me  Now, Judas. Now.

 Maybe one day if the words don't hurt anymore, I could write a poem about us, And exhibit it at the mall. Maybe someone could see  Between the tears soaked lines, where the lies are And where we started falling apart. And one day when I don't hurt anymore. I would dig myself up from the hole you threw me in. And crawl myself up to acceptance. I would peel off those words you said I am Like a snake peeling off it's skin. Full of Grace. Full of Life. One day. I know one day. You would eat those words, Because I will serve it to you like it's dinner.

 I imagine myself as a piece of art, a painting, maybe. and you're the painter.  But I'm unfinished, so I'm messy And you have smears of me, Everywhere. Everywhere my love touched you. But you can't take my mess It claws your inside out and leaves you empty. It weighs on your body like sin and the chains like the power of sin. My love is divine but you're the devil And I'm a beautiful forest fire. So I told you to leave, And you took my brush with you. As my punishment for being too hot for you. Have you forgotten honey, Art is Art. Whether unfinished or not.

 I think we made the sky blue with our eyes. Milked from the crushed glass of each other's eyes and blew them into the sky like kisses in a boat of crystal clear tears. You and I. Our waters were never this blue and bright but they were all that we ever had. They were decaying "" dull and sick like the over ripe lemons my mom forgets to squeeze the juice out of. We were a modern love story tragedy. Your love holds me cold like frostbites, sending chills through my spines. My love kiss is like water and I drown at the touch of his baby blue lips. My love eyes are so and I sway to the rythms of the singing birds in the baby blue of the afternoon sky. My My love and I are like water,  Venus chased after mars for a thousand years, but no love story is as blue as ours.

 I wasn't born to be fit into a box, what you expect from me and how you expect me to be. I was born to be a rectangle, a sphere, circle sometimes and all the odd shapes we had to learn in maths geometry class. My purpose and being isn't meant to be understand and appreciated by you. I was born with wings and wings are used for flying. But in all of my exploration and self discovery, I'll never forget and ignore the values and principles the holy spirit has instilled in me . He is the greatest teacher. But I'm struggling and never get it right sometimes, because I've lived all of my lives doing things your way (which exactly isn't the right way), the church (which is mostly based on man made theology), or my way (which has failed me a thousand times). And now as I discover my identity in Christ, this is a personal journey and I choose this path. I don't want a seat at the table, I'm setting a new table for myself and others who care to join.

 It's like my life ended and I started a new one. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye to my friends or wrote a letter. I'm really bad at saying goodbyes We both never saw it coming. And this new girl, you will not know her You will see her and not recognize her She will stand in front of you and you'll still not hear her. You will try to kill her but you can't even touch her Because she's already dead and resurrected from the dead again. And at that moment,  My love truly ended and I started a new one. I'm immortal.

 Rest your love  [Bubba] I'm here to rest my love, In your arms it's so warm, In your arms, I think of a pretty place where all my dreams come true. But my dreams are not pretty , My dreams speak of beasts with horns and fire in their eyes, But my dreams speak of you too, And when it does, I see a god amongst mankind. I came to rest my love with you, My fears have no place near, Your love fortifies and strengthens, And strip by strip, I am made whole. I wasn't born blind but I can't see past this horizon, But when you hold my hands, little by little, The sun sets around me everyday, The sun rises on my door step. I want to rest my love with you. My demons have no air here.

 Some one would love you blue,         For from the clouds would they fall,         In love with you.          Over and over again. Someone should love you yellow, For you would be their sunshine When the clouds are gray. Someone would love you yellow and blue  Yellow - Coldplay Blue - Zayn Malik

 The person you think I am.  The morning sun, Vannila& chocolate ice creams, Movies that makes you smile at cheesy lines, Fine Art Classes, Musuems and big shopping malls, French Words, Roses, Tokyo, Books that keeps you late at night, Spring, Kisses on the beach at 6 pm. August. The person I think I am. Moon and stars, Strawberry ice cream, movies that helps cure depression, History Class at 12pm, Coffee shops and Bookstores, Fancy Literature Words, Tulips, Paris, Books that you read over and over and pass over to your kids, Summer, Kisses under the mistletoe tree on Christmas Eve. December. The person I am Dark stormy nights, Dark chocolate and Creamless coffee, Movies that causes depression, Maths class at 8am on a Monday morning, Drug stores, Difficult to pronounce dictionary words, Purple Hibiscus, London Bridge, Sad books you couldn't bring yourself to read the ending, Autumn, Kisses under the rain. April